And now it is December.
When I was young and bright-eyed, someone told me the time would speed up as I got older. They were right.
Last year, December was a turning point. Everything held together until the 1st of the last month and then it unraveled, again. When the sun hides away for longer intervals in the night my brain reacts. My body craves the light. I love the cold and the snow and the beauty that comes with dying things, but I always will need a bit more sun than winter can give me.
Here are the reasons why this year is different:
- There was a total eclipse and I was in totality.
- By next year I will be across the globe telling stories.
- I snuck away to Florida for some sunny with a high of 75 days.
- The Appalachian mountains are calling, and I will soon be there.
- I keep finding dimes.
I am scared. I am scared of what this next year will bring. I am scared I might sink into the blues. I am scared whatever it is I am doing with the space I occupy on this small, blue speck of a planet will not be enough.
But this year can be different, and I will not let fear steal my wishful dreams.
Christmas is so close it feels as though it has already passed. In the whirl of December festivities, I feel good. There has been reminder after reminder of how capable I am to do what I meant to do: love and be loved. The tone of this new year is going to be set off right, with soft words and a strong mind.
December blues are now becoming full of light again.